Wonderful Life II

Well I’m not exactly sure if those were his exact words, but it does sound good. It’s funny how things happen when you least expect.

Fate brought us together. I was forced by a friend to venture to a new happy hour venue. John decided to frequent the same place after vowing to never go there again. It just so happen to be the same day. How cute is that? Eleven years later, this Chicagoan native, John, and I still share 'moving on'.

I always wanted to return to school someday and match my siblings with a college degree. Actually, it was more like making my mama happy. She was born and raised in Mexico and worked her entire life to provide her children with the opportunity she never had growing up. You see, I was the rebel of the family and thought a paycheck after high school looked more inviting to me than another diploma, so I took a different avenue and kept going.

Graduation, this special achievement, was a difficult one for me because it had been twenty plus years since I had sat in a classroom, but I did it. It was very rewarding seeing my mama’s joyful face at my college graduation as well as knowing that I had the ability to accomplish whatever I set myself to accomplish.

During my working career, it always bothered me to report to someone and watching someone else enjoy the profits of my hard work. I vowed that one day I would become my own boss. I had to return to work, become self employed with a prosperous business that I could feel good about managing.

I knew the consequences of returning to the workforce might not be beneficial to me while entertaining side effects of my medication. “Damn if you do, damn if you don’t” type thing.

I figured I could motivate and assist my partner to start his own business and have something for us to fall back on, a side job working from home. It was a good thing I did. The economy being in it's hardship status today, the company where he worked closed their doors after 13 years. He is currently forced to utilize his broker license to the fullest now just to make ends meet. Now, I can at least help when I can and as much as I can while doing things

Being a gay man, it was always a known fact that marriage or children would probably never be a possibility for me; I still had the parenting urge and hope that one day I would have my own family. Today, we have two wonderful little boys, Oliver and Bailey, our pride and joys. Oliver is the smartest Wire Fox Terrier you will ever know and a wonderful big brother to Bailey, our soft, cuddling and loving Bedlington Terrier. They are six and seven years old and bring us so much joy every day. They have the run of the house and love their big yard and especially the swimming pool. Yes, one of the major priorities of finding a home was having a pool for the boys. Oliver is my diver. Bailey is my “Michael Phelps,” the fastest swimming dog I have ever seen.

They may not be human, but they are our loving children and remind us every day of that fact. Finally, like everyone else, I wanted to someday own my dream home. Three years ago, we accomplished this dream. A home just perfect for our comfort and a large yard for the boys, plus the fact that we are both in our 50’s and do not need any stairs at this point in our life. It is our very own paradise to grow old together with our boys and a place large enough to accommodate our family and friends visiting from the Midwest. And believe me,
our revolving door is always in use as everyone loves to visit us as well as San Diego. It has been a wonderful ride getting to this place in my life and I will continue to achieve as much as I can. I will admit that with all accomplishments in life there can be some challenges along the way, but with motivation and a strong mind, if there is a WILL one will find the WAY.

As I said before, I continued to live a healthy life and will always keep a positive attitude about any and every thing around me. The key is staying focused and not utilizing any energy on the past, but work on the current issues of my life. I cannot change the past, but only take the positive of it to work for in my favor today. A good example is dealing with numerous medications on a daily basis. My thought is to take them and move on. The downside is dealing with side effects from them that challenge me all the time. I will never let them succeed with forcing me to surrender my most powerful medication, my mind.

Shortly after meeting my partner John, I was diagnosed with AVN (a vascular narcosis) and spent the next three years going through hip replacement surgeries on both sides. Actually, it was more like three hip replacements. At age 40 my doctors thought I was too young to have one until this miraculous doctor offered me a partial hip replacement. I found his enthusiasm in my case interesting as it benefited both of us in one way or another. The hope was that was supposed to last me eight years, but I wore it out in three. My energy level was higher than he expected and three years to the day, he was performing a total hip replacement on the same hip.

AVN is a joint decease caused by a medication I took in my earlier years battling full blown A.I.D.S. Again, this is where I realized it’s “Damn if you do and damn if you don’t”. Without this only steroid medication doctors recommended for me at the time which is the culprit of my disease joints, I probably would not be writing this story today. Full blown A.I.D.S. is where your entire Acquired Infectious Deficiency Levels are none. By the time the doctors were performing my third surgery, I became a champ on recovery and showing physical therapy my own routine.

I was soon becoming very well known at the campus of UCSD (University of California San Diego) Medical Center, first at the Owen Clinic with constant visit to my incredible primary physician, who monitors my medication and overall health issues then at Thornton Hospital Orthopedic Center where I am sure was one of their most profitable patients. No wonder all the “red carpet” treatment. It did not end there, soon thereafter, it was time to make myself known at Shiley Eye Center just to add to the list.

My Retinitis was starting to affect my vision drastically to the point where my only hope of vision survival consisted of numerous surgeries recommended and performed. While back in Chicago, I was made aware of CMV Retinitis setting into my eyes and that there was a great possibility of vision loss. The doctors at Illinois Masonic Medical Center performed necessary surgeries then to help save my eye sight for as long as they possibly could. Today, I have slowly lost vision in my right eye due the CMV Retinitis, but I still have one 20/20 eye vision in with my left eye.

It might mean for me to move my head a little to the right most of the time. Hopefully, one day I can be the first candidate for a Retinal transplant when available. Or maybe even the second, but I have hopes of being able to see out of that eye again. If not here on Earth, then I’m sure up in heaven when I reunite with all my peeps. Either way, it is what it is and I can still smile and hold my head up high.

Continuing my courtship with John, amazingly he has not run away, nor do I think he would. With our similar backgrounds, he too has dealings with side effects that are different in appearance, but yet just as severe. He amazes me with his ability to take on this adventure with me while suffering his own issues, but I truly believe we inspire each other to just keep moving on. That just makes me love him so much more. Especially when I’m forced to entertain yet another challenge God has put in my path.

As if UCSD did not know me enough, I was forced to make acquaintance with doctors at the Cancer Center. Well hold the tears, it was not as bad as you might think it would be, but the signs were there and the doctor has so far managed to perform the necessary surgeries removing any evidence of the big C. Currently, I am on a yearly “surveillance” treatment.

I can very well be a good candidate for the worse, but so far so good. All of these side effects continue to make their appearances whenever they chose and without my control. If it is not one thing it is another or like they say in Spanish “si no son tomates son chiles.” It is just something I have to deal with every day of my life and I still to this day will not let it get the best of me especially taking over my mind. My mind is the strongest medication I have and I will not surrender it to medication, illness or anyone. I am powered by the fuel that keeps me going. And John is the major motivating force of my life.

John and I recently added a new goal to my list that I never would have dreamed coming true.On December 27, 2008, my 50th birthday, our family and friends witnessed our commitment to one another at our fabulous wedding ceremony. Thanks to the wonderful State of California we were able to make our dream a reality. Now I can scream out those infamous words of Sophia from one of my favorite movies, the Color Purple, and mean it, “Look y'all I’ze married.”

As I continue to accept to live with challenge after challenges in my life, I am ready for whatever comes my way. I will not allow anything or anyone prevent me from happiness.

I have always lived by my own philosophy, “You are the only someone in this world that can make you happy. Others in our life only enhance it." This can easily be done with a strong mind and a loving soul. We all were blessed with the same tools; we just need to know how to make them work in our favor. God gave us the tool; we need to use it wisely.

Recently this year, I had both my shoulders replaced due to the AVN making yet another appearance. Not like the hip replacement recovery, this one a little bit more challenging. I’ll get through this one as well. Together with my husband we make a good life for ourselves in spite of challenges that cross our path. We continue to keep utilizing our most valuable tool and most powerful medication we have. While keeping control of our own minds, there just AIN’T NO STOPPING US NOW.

-Marc Medina

you control your mind

The Wonderful Life I

I am not really sure anymore about what time of day it is, but as I lay in bed weak, nauseated, and attached to an IV that has become like a third arm in the past few months, I can barely keep my eyes open. So far the only medication available for me at this time is working a double whammy on me. Supposedly it helps to keep me alive, but killing me softly at the same time.


I can hear very well. I hear all the crying in the other room. God forbid they do it in front of me for fear that I fall apart as well. I can also hear everything else going on around me near and far. I can feel this illness taking everything from me little by little. First my hunger then my weight and now experiencing other organs not working like they should or use to anyway, but I still have my mind and that is the one organ I know for sure is still working and I am trying so very hard not to surrender it.

As I have no choice but to allow A.I.D.S. to take over my body, all I can do is think night and day about the childhood friends it took from me in recent years and especially the one right from my arms. Rolando, Peter, and Michael, my buds, I am so proud to give recognition to the world. They are in heaven just waiting for me to join them.

For some Godly reason, and I would hate to think that I am the true meaning of, 'only the good die young', I was forsaken and fortunate to meet with the much awaited prolonged medication to provide a self defense toward A.I.D.S. to fight for a chance to stay alive. To this day, I miss them with all my heart even more steadily than the desserts miss the rain. I think of them daily and feel them, my guardian angels, watching over me.

Today, I am ten years plus H.I.V. undetectable and living a healthy life with some major side effects of course, but hey, at least I still have my mind and I am alive. It has always been a wonder to me as to why I survived and what exactly the meaning of this second chance of life is. As I live and breathe today, I continue to work my mind to the fullest and do as much as I can in life for myself and especially for others.

Somewhere deep in my heart I feel the call to help others. On a much larger scale as it has become a passion for me to achieve. Many wonder where my enlightening energy comes from and I simply reply, it is fueled by all the love and support of my friends and family, especially my parents. It is constant.

My second chance at life, as I like to refer it to, started in the late 90’s. I was forced to leave the corporate world due to the constant re occurrences with my illness and all the side effects. It was also recommended for me to leave the cold climates of the Midwest. A.I.D.S. had taken its toll with my lungs and another pneumonia hospital visit could very likely be the big one. I took everyone’s advice very seriously and got the heck out of dodge and headed to the West Coast.

I was very fortunate to have a loving brother who opened up his home to me for the winter months in beautiful San Diego. He had no hesitation, and as a matter of fact insisted on me being there to help me with my recovery in a much better climate.

I come from a large family with five siblings. They have all shown much support before, during, and to this day. Without ever questioning my life style, they have always been there for me. It is the greatest feeling in the world. It is no wonder why I have always been able to just be me. We all live in different states. Through the wonderful upbringing of our parents, we all stay in constant touch with one another as if we lived next door.

After several years of sharing my life with the Midwest and the West Coast, at the age of 40, I made a decision to make San Diego my permanent home. It was a perfect opportunity for me to take advantage of regrouping and doing the things I had not accomplished while working and playing hard in Chicago. Now don’t get me wrong, I loved Chicago and it loved me, but San Diego opened it arms to me and showed me that the rest of my life starts here.

Still wondering why me, why was I fortunate to be granted a second chance of life. I figured out that this would also be a good place for me to begin setting some positive goals for myself to accomplish before the age of 50. That is how optimistic I was about being around for a long time. I was not going to let anything get in my way of making a much better life for myself.

With my new cocktail medication, that took a while to work on my recovery progression, I slowly started to inherit a strong sense of positive thinking that made me realize that I could never go back to change anything that has happened to me. I only strive on looking at the positive side of everything around me and use my mind to the fullest.

Eventually, the perfect cocktail designed amazed the doctors, but had to be changed constantly just to keep up with my speedy recovery.

First on the agenda of my goals was to finally allow a relationship in my life if the right man was really out there just waiting for me. Working two jobs and partying like a rock star never allowed me to really focus on a relationship, nor did I allow it to happen either. I was living in the fast lane and loved every minute of it.

Some ask me if I ever regret any part of my past and my answer is simply yes. I do not regret any of my past, but do wish that during the past ten years of my recovery, I could have been an inspiration to others who fought A.I.D.S. and lost. Today, I hope to make that a reality and show them as well as the world that life goes on and one living with H.I.V. can have a normal life with a little motivation and support. I have a persistent personality and will give it all I have to acquire whatever I set my self to do.

Getting back to my agenda, after exactly one year of living in San Diego and almost to the day, there I was minding my own business as I always do.

When I heard a voice from behind that said , “Excuse me, but do you come here often.” I turned around and said to myself, are you kidding me, and there, to my surprise, stood the love of my life.

Well, I’m not sure if those were his exact words...

live and breathe today